im prettaye stuck in a predicament now... for reasons i cannot fully explain here but those who know will prolly unds... and how exactly im feeling cos they are feeling the same way
my fears prolly came true.. las time people used to mention them but somehow i tended to shrug it off.. to realise that it's too much for my own good..

it's scary... and it was enough to frighten me to tears.. esp. when C is no longer gna b ard..
it's quite scary to know he's no longer concerned abt what i think.. and he seems to be trying to take control of my life..
in their eyes.. are they blinded by C
or have they forgotten that the ultimate purpose of it is not C but our W

i spoke to AYQ online and i realised that i was no longer thinking too much and it was always been the case since dno when till now..
aft which.. i was on the line with her till very very late cos i realised i was in such a huge dillema and i so dint know what to do... till very very late las night.. i couldn slp..

can someone tell me what to do..
i told her i wld do whatever she does..
but she said.. no.. she wld follow whatever i do..

you know what.. if i said i wasn't hurt i must be lying.. actly in my heart i knew the ans. long long ago... even b4 the trip.. and during the trip i further affirmed my own decision...
and i kept my decision and dint even discuss with the next impt person for fear of influencing *
but i somehow changed my mind cos i thought of P and e T...
somehow i knew i shld ignore everything and follow my heart.. but i just couldn do that..

now im questioning whether it's worth it..
someone.. tell me.. what i should do..
i know we all cannot cont'd like this...

sheesh.. someone.. fly me back to Sydney.. and i dont ever wna return...